Talking My Self Behind

Huuuh, it is been quite long not to write again on my weblog. This chance would be addressed on my last year story that was my experience on taking particular course in PE ITB. Yeah, it was so f**k*ng d**n s**t  experience.

(Source: www.regscheepers.com)
(Source: http://www.regscheepers.com)

No, I don’t want to blame God for having given that destiny. I, however, could not relieve my own self due to that experience. Okay, it is not important to tell what course it was and who the lecturer was as well. My point of view, here, would about my own self. Huuuuh, those consecutive problems were started on first exam. In the middle day of Wednesday, the 1st exam had been started. I did believe that I could have a high score there. It was indeed easy. Sooooo easy. Yeah, you might have known feel of mine since you are also student (I guess). In the middle of exam, however, the lecturer said something that based on my point of view, it was translated to be like this: ”Dear Studs, please not to do these numbers because these are not important. So, you just fill in the blank this one… this one… and this one…. .” That was what I heard. It was pretty weird why the lecturer asked not to fill those blank boxes. Well, I just followed him. He would be the “conqueror” of the class. A week later, the exam result was announced. Just before it was yet to be announced, I felt, oh past sort of exam was piece of cake. Not to be worry guys. Later, the time run and did not revealed what I had had feel before. Ohhhh, no, I was standing on the 3 bottoms among the class.  The score was 30’s, 40’s or 50’s (forget already). No, no, no, how it could happen. All students were filling the all blank boxes on the exam. How, how, how. The lecturer said that we were not required to fill all blank boxes. Speechless … . There must have been wrong interpretation, I thought. Yeah, it was right. I could not clearly translate his command. I think, it was just because I sat down on the front line hence I could listen to what he asked. Just imagine, if I stayed on the last line. It would be better not to follow him and still hold my first opinion. Okay, you must have thought why I was not complaining him. It was because I convicted my own self as a person who was wrongly interpreting his instructions. Yohooo, it was only first exam. There would be several exams again. Why daren’t.

A couple of weeks passed, on a Tuesday … (forget when it was precisely). I was indeed confused because I have to choose: 1. Study and face the 2nd exam of this course on the following day (Wednesday); or 2. Attend a competition. So,… I need to tell you all that in the past August 2012, I had applied a history writing competition for winning travelling opportunity and attend a youth conference in Kupang, NTT  (Nusa Tenggara Timur), Indonesia. Wow, it would be my first time to step on eastern of Indonesia land. Yeah, it has been my dream actually. Could you imagine my mind? Should I choose one of them then?  Regarding my worst score, there was no strong reason to hold my dream going to NTT. Oh, I unfortunately just face. And you know, the day before, I was not able to think and study clearly to prepare the 2nd exam due to my anxiety. The result was still picking me up on the bottom line of the class. The exam was pretty hard. Most of students were then kicked to get the bad score.  I was unfortunately blamed by the lecturer that how lazy I was. Okay, the lecturer had the full right to say anything in his class.

Before I started my semester; I had already won a competition that would bring me to UAE. Yups, I had to attend it since it had been assigned on a formal appointment letter that I have to join this event. I was feeling excited. Yeah, it was once-life-time experience for PE student. I was also representing my country on that event.  So, this chance was quite relieving my hearth.

Later, the climax was happening on the final term exam. No student could answer the exam due to the lack of information written on the problem. It had been minutes and still no one asking to him. It was me too dumb or what? Well, hearth of mine said,”Hakiki you must must must pass this course. You must be brave to ask him.” There was actually my friend whom asked it earlier. It was however not clearly stated since my friend felt afraid of the lecturer because he would withdraw your exam paper if we do something wrong. Yeah, I have been born to be HAKIKI, the real. So, why I daren’t to ask. I just asked him then as easy as we count one two three.

Ohhhh, The lecturer was really angry because of my question then. It was too fool question based on his view. He said that my question has been a “rule of thumb” on that problem. I don’t think so because every problem would define “something in my question” first and they can be different. Yeah, the lecturer was speaking up,”That’s why your score were always bad even worst because you yourself don’t know about this kind of rule of thumb.” NO NO NO, again and again it was not like this. I do believe that every problem has its own “something in my question”.  All class was finally able to do those problems then. Yeah, it was due of my “brave”. Is it too ARROGANT for you? Nah, I do not care what you are thinking now. I was satisfied that I could overcome all students’ inquiry of “something in my question”.

Fortunately, I got “BC” for this course. Alhamdulillah, I passed it. As I stated before, I do not blame the lecturer or even God for having given that destiny. I am, however, still not able to “accept” this fact. Yeah, by the time flows, I just remind it as past by writing this story on my weblog. I want to tell the reader that the consecutive problem did not only exist in a fiction story. It has done and happened already.

Yups, I will be too dumb if I will be still here. No wonder, my will gets stronger to be away out of here. Still waiting that chance. The chance when I can change my “…”.

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